Baby Miller Part Two

This is part to two of Baby Miller is a link to part one: http://theadventuresofadoula.blogspot.com/2015/01/baby-miller-part-one.html

My heart is so full writing this post. I definitely consider myself lucky to have been given the opportunity to help this sweet angel get to his Mom and Dad.  

One of things that was really important to me was everyone being there when Finn was born. I wanted Jamie and Ben to hear his first cry and I wanted them to be the first to hold him. I wanted my mom and sister to be there as my support team.  I can't even describe the feelings of love and support I felt around me during my birthing time. Even though I was acting like a crazy lady during the contractions and pushing I could feel the energy and love from everyone around me it was amazing, I hope everyone on earth can feel that loved at some point in their life. 

Contractions started on Saturday August 23rd, Jamie, Emily and I picked up my Aunt Ginger(Jamie's mom) from the airport in the morning. We walked around Salt Lake City some that day and I was just feeling really uncomfortable. Ben flew in from working and everyone was there so we decided to head to hospital. When we got there nothing was really happening. I was pretty disappointed. Monday August 25th came around I was still feeling contractions. I had a doctors appointment at 1:30pm the doctor said I was dilated to a 2+ and 80% effaced. Well that night the contractions picked up a little bit so we decided to go to the hospital and nothing had really changed so we walked some stairs. They checked me again and still really nothing so we went home again. I was really disappointed so I decided that night we weren't going to the hospital unless I knew without a doubt this baby was coming. 

On Tuesday August 26th I went in for acupuncture in the afternoon (if you haven't tried acupuncture before you should it is so relaxing) and later that evening we went and walked stairs in the rain, it was so fun hanging out with Jamie and Ben and Jamie's dad, my Uncle Sandy. I feel like the days leading up to Finn's birth were a huge blessing, I really enjoyed just being with everyone! Wednesday August 27th I had another acupuncture appointment at eleven and then we did some shopping, after shopping I went in for another acupuncture appointment and then we decided we would all rest and take it easy that night. 

Thursday August 28th I had another acupuncture appointment, this time I wasn't able to relax as much as I had during the other times but it still helped a lot. After acupuncture we went and picked up Emily. We packed a picnic lunch and then went to Sundance to ride the scenic lift, which was very stressful with a three year old! The whole time I was really starting to feel more pressure but didn't want to tell anyone in case it wasn't "it". After Sundance they dropped me and Emily off at home and I laid down with Emily so she could take a nap.I fell asleep for about thirty minutes but the contractions were getting really uncomfortable so I decided to take a bath and see if that would help me relax. The bath kind of helped but I was still feeling uncomfortable and the contractions kept feeling more intense. My mom called on her way home from work and I asked if she would make some soup so she ran by the store for the ingredients. My brother and his family stopped by to drop some stuff off. The whole time they were here I was feeling the contractions get more intense. I still wasn't sure if it was "it" so I decided to just try and relax through each one. I don't really remember what I was doing when they left but my mom had started making soup in the other room. I decided to try sitting on the ball to help me through each contraction but all of sudden I just broke out in tears, the contractions were getting intense. I decided at some point I wanted to shower just to see if it would help me relax through the contractions. While I was in the shower I told my sister to call Jamie and Ben but tell them to take their time because I didn't want to get to the hospital too soon or make them wait around if it really wasn't it. After I got out of the shower the contractions were so intense I was crying and acting like a crazy lady. My mom convinced me that we should probably head to the hospital. I was so nervous they were going to tell me it wasn't time and I honestly wasn't sure if I could handle it if  I wasn't really in labor. My sister called Jamie and Ben to tell them actually we are heading to the hospital and they should meet us there. When we got there I was dilated to four+ but the nurse could tell things were going to go fast so they called my doctor and they moved us to a room. I was acting crazy running around the room not really finding a good place to get through the contractions. I am sure everyone thought I had gone mad! I decided I wanted to get into the tub so they checked me and I was already at a six. I got into the tub, it kind of helped but not much so I decided to get out. I was feeling kind of pushy so they checked me again. I was at an eight. 

The doctor came in and I decided I wanted him to break my water so things would keep moving along. At that point I decided to stay on the bed so I could try and relax in between each contraction. It was amazing I had my mom and sister on one side of me and Jamie and Ben on the other, I could just feel their love for me so strongly I can't even explain it.

 My doctor was there along with my nurse and another nurse everyone was just talking me through the contractions and helping me to push. Hypnobabies really helped to me to relax in between each contraction and to just remind myself I am not going to die even though at this moment it might feel like I am. Everyone being there cheering me on telling me I can do this was so amazing and helpful. I pushed for about 45minutes and when sweet Finn was born at 1:35am I was so happy and so excited for him to meet his mom and dad. 

He weighed 8lbs 11ounces and was sunny side up! (The hardest way for a baby to be born!)

Me holding Finn for the first time.

Emily meeting Finn.

I have had a lot of people ask questions about my experience and how I am feeling I wanted to answer a few of those questions here,.. 

I have had a lot of people ask if I am sad now that I have had him and honestly I can say no. He is with his parents and I am so happy for all three of them! 

I have also had a lot of people ask how Emily feels about the whole thing, she is the smartest toddler I know she understands so much. She loves Jamie, Ben and Finn so much! She has known from the beginning that Finn isn't our baby and that I was just growing him in my belly so he could come to earth and be with his Mommy and Daddy. 

People have asked if Finn is my baby the answer is no. The doctor used Jamie's egg not mine. In December I went to Texas and the doctor did an embryo transfer. Isn't modern medicine amazing! 

Another question I get a lot is if I will be a gestational carrier again or do it professionally and the answer for that is no. This has been an amazing experience but growing a baby is a lot of work! 

I want to end by thanking all of my support team during this past year!

My mom was there during everything from the first time I had to stick myself with a hormone shot to staying up all night the night he was born! My sister Lauren my awesome doula and hynobabies coach. Danielle for always being willing to help with Emily. Jamie and Ben for being there for me and making me feel so special. Thank you to my sister in law Meg for capturing the moments of Finn's birth so beautifully. Thank you to all of our families and friends for being a support and for the prayers from everyone I could feel them the whole time!!! Thank you all I couldn't have done it without you!!!! Lots of love to you all!!!

Now onto new adventures!!! 

Baby Miller Part One

I have started this post a million times but I am always at a loss for words. I want to share my experience with everyone but I just haven't known where to start. The past year has been amazing. I have had so much support and love given to me I can't even express how grateful I am to everyone.

I guess I should start at the beginning...

I have watched my sweet cousin, Jamie's journey over the years and heard about her losses and the sweet babies she had to say goodbye to way too early and my heart has hurt for her. I remember when she lost her third babe the strong feeling of sadness I felt for her and the overwhelming thought that if I ever had the opportunity to carry a baby for her I would. Just seeing everything she went through, how strong she and her husband were through it all gave me so much respect for them. They truly are amazing examples of love and strength.

I had the thoughts about carrying a baby for them but didn't really know if that was something they were even interested in or thinking about. We weren't very close and I didn't know everything that was going on but I knew that if it was supposed to happen it would work out so I just put it in the back of my mind and didn't really think much about it. Until I got a text message from my Aunt Ginger asking when a good time to talk would be. When she called I just had this overwhelming feeling of wow, those feelings I had how many ever months ago were real and this is really what I need to do. She explained the situation and that she had a feeling she should call and talk to me about carrying a baby for Jamie. I can't even explain the feelings I felt of peace and a strong confirmation that yes this is what I am supposed to do, there wasn't one ounce of doubt. Even talking with my mom and sisters they all felt strongly that this was right. I emailed my cousin about how I was feeling not really knowing if it was something she was interested in me doing but I just really wanted her to know that I was willing to do this for them. I don't know what her thoughts and feelings were but when we finally talked and started working out the details I just knew that this was right and that they deserved to have their family.

My mom and I went to Texas in August. I met the doctor who would be doing the transfer, and had a physical done and he started me on the hormones. I have to say the hormones were probably the hardest part of the whole process. They made me feel like a crazy person and super emotional, but still I had this overwhelming feeling that I was doing the right thing. I had to go get my blood work and an ultrasound every week to make sure my body was ready for the transfer. A few months later we made plans with Jamie and Ben to go back to Texas for the transfer. We ended up going the second week of December and everything went really well. The waiting to find out if it had worked nearly killed me. The day we got the positive results I was so happy!

I was so lucky to have an easy pregnancy with no complications at all. When we had the twenty week ultrasound and saw that sweet boy growing I was so relieved and happy,  and I couldn't wait for his mom and dad to hold him in their arms.

I am still amazed by how beautifully everything worked out during this experience. I had the best doctor who made sure I was okay during the whole process. My family was the most amazing support, I couldn't have done it without them. I feel like my relationship with Jamie and Ben is so strong and that we all made sure we were aware of each others feelings and what we each wanted from this experience. Every person that I told about the situation was so kind and supportive. My body was strong and healthy during the whole process. My sweet Emily understood so much and has been so patient and understanding of her tired mama.

I decided from the beginning I wanted everything about Baby Millers birth to be natural. I didn't want to be induced and I didn't want an epidural or any other interventions. I did Hypnobabies home study and I am so happy that I did, it made everything so much easier. I felt so blessed that everyone supported me in all the things I wanted.  

Look for Baby Miller part two in the next few days! I am still working on his birth story and an FAQs!

Here are a few of my growing belly...

A Letter to All the Mamas

Today I read an article about how women are feeling guilty or sad about their birthing experience because other moms who are for natural birth. This article made me feel so sad and so I decided to write a blog post about my feelings.

I would consider myself someone who is "for" natural birth. I wasn't always this way mostly because I didn't education myself about birth until after I had my sweet little girl. As someone who has had experience giving birth both naturally and medicated, I want to tell all the mamas of the world that whatever decisions you made about your birth experience(s) as long as you feel empowered and happy about those decisions then there is no reason someone should be able to make you feel guilty!

I know when I share my feelings about natural birth I am in no way trying to hurt someone's feelings or make them feel bad about how they brought their little sweetie into this world. I just want so desperately for women to feel love and support and to know that THEY have the power to make the decisions. When I try to encourage others to learn more about natural birth I am not trying to say I am better then them or that what they have done is bad I just want to share my feelings about how amazing I felt after I gave birth naturally, I felt like I was on top of the world! I was able to get out of bed and shower probably less then an hour after I gave birth I don't know why, maybe I am crazy, but I think that is amazing! I just feel so empowered by how strong my body is and I want every mama to feel that way too! No woman should feel hurt, bullied, or any negativity when it comes to giving birth.
I had two very different birth experiences and I wouldn't trade either of them. After I had Emily I felt alone and hurt mostly because I hadn't prepared myself to have a voice and to be able to stand up for myself. I didn't know that feeling like that wasn't normal. I brushed my feelings aside and told myself that is just how it is and that I was being silly for feeling that way. When I finally learned that those feelings weren't "just how it was"  I was able to heal and learn about what I wanted the next time I gave birth and just because my decisions were for an un-medicated birth with no interventions doesn't mean that those decisions are right for you.
I was able to attend two births that weren't my own. One was a un-medicated home birth and one was a medicated hospital birth. They were very different from each other but at the same time they had a lot of things in common, the most important things were that they both had amazing support groups, that they knew what they wanted and they weren't bullied into making decisions they didn't want. If I described what I witnessed at these births you wouldn't be able to tell which one was medicated or un-medicated. I saw a husband holding his wife's hand with so much love and respect, I saw a huge smiles when the babies cried for the first time, I saw tears of joy and love. I heard "You are doing amazing!" and "I love you so much!" I heard care providers kindly give advice.
So mamas whether you had your baby at home, in a car, at the hospital, via adoption or gestational carrier, naturally, or medicated if you are feeling guilty or sad about your birthing experience please look deeper and deal with those feelings because if you don't you will never be able to heal or realize that you are amazing and that no matter how you brought those sweet angels into the world you did the right thing! 

Love a mama doing the best she can!!!  

Preparing For Your Birthing Time

I have been doing the home study hypnobabies course and I love it!!! I recommend it to anyone who is planning on having a baby! I have learned so much and it has helped me to really know what I want and how to get it.

I kind of thought maybe it would be a little weird or I wouldn't be able to do it but it is so relaxing and peaceful and I feel so much more prepared to give birth.

Check out their website and see if its something you would want for you and your family.

https://www.hypnobabies.com/

Why I Decided to Become a Doula

Why I decided to become a Doula...

I walked into labor and delivery at 5:30am on September 1^st, 2011, excited to meet my little girl but mostly terrified of what the day would bring. A week before at my last prenatal appointment my doctor told me I could be induced the next week if I wanted, not really knowing what that meant I agreed and went on my way excited to know the day I would meet my baby girl. 

 

I was induced and ended up feeling bullied by my doctor into getting an epidural I didn't want. When he came in at the end of pushing he seemed rushed and ended up telling me I wouldn't be able to push her past a certain point because of the shape of my body and that he had to use forceps. I was crushed and felt very overwhelmed by the whole thing so I told myself that we were both healthy and that is really all that matters. I was definitely in love with my new little one so it was easy to push pass the feelings of fear and pain I had felt from my birthing experience and let it pass as normal and just what happens when you have a baby.

 

A few months later I was scanning through Netflix and found something that caught my eye “The Business of Being Born” I watched it and also “More Business of Being Born” and I was changed forever. I realized that my experience wasn't okay and that having a baby doesn’t have to be scary or emotionally painful at all. Yes it is important that mom and baby come out breathing but giving birth is something a mother will never forget and it will change her life forever, it should be a positive and uplifting day in a woman’s life no matter what her choices are.

 

I later decided to take a three day Doula training. I learned so much and am so excited to get started on this step in my life. I want women everywhere  to be educated about their decisions and not afraid of such an amazing day.