I guess I should start at the beginning...
I have watched my sweet cousin, Jamie's journey over the years and heard about her losses and the sweet babies she had to say goodbye to way too early and my heart has hurt for her. I remember when she lost her third babe the strong feeling of sadness I felt for her and the overwhelming thought that if I ever had the opportunity to carry a baby for her I would. Just seeing everything she went through, how strong she and her husband were through it all gave me so much respect for them. They truly are amazing examples of love and strength.
I had the thoughts about carrying a baby for them but didn't really know if that was something they were even interested in or thinking about. We weren't very close and I didn't know everything that was going on but I knew that if it was supposed to happen it would work out so I just put it in the back of my mind and didn't really think much about it. Until I got a text message from my Aunt Ginger asking when a good time to talk would be. When she called I just had this overwhelming feeling of wow, those feelings I had how many ever months ago were real and this is really what I need to do. She explained the situation and that she had a feeling she should call and talk to me about carrying a baby for Jamie. I can't even explain the feelings I felt of peace and a strong confirmation that yes this is what I am supposed to do, there wasn't one ounce of doubt. Even talking with my mom and sisters they all felt strongly that this was right. I emailed my cousin about how I was feeling not really knowing if it was something she was interested in me doing but I just really wanted her to know that I was willing to do this for them. I don't know what her thoughts and feelings were but when we finally talked and started working out the details I just knew that this was right and that they deserved to have their family.
My mom and I went to Texas in August. I met the doctor who would be doing the transfer, and had a physical done and he started me on the hormones. I have to say the hormones were probably the hardest part of the whole process. They made me feel like a crazy person and super emotional, but still I had this overwhelming feeling that I was doing the right thing. I had to go get my blood work and an ultrasound every week to make sure my body was ready for the transfer. A few months later we made plans with Jamie and Ben to go back to Texas for the transfer. We ended up going the second week of December and everything went really well. The waiting to find out if it had worked nearly killed me. The day we got the positive results I was so happy!
I was so lucky to have an easy pregnancy with no complications at all. When we had the twenty week ultrasound and saw that sweet boy growing I was so relieved and happy, and I couldn't wait for his mom and dad to hold him in their arms.
I am still amazed by how beautifully everything worked out during this experience. I had the best doctor who made sure I was okay during the whole process. My family was the most amazing support, I couldn't have done it without them. I feel like my relationship with Jamie and Ben is so strong and that we all made sure we were aware of each others feelings and what we each wanted from this experience. Every person that I told about the situation was so kind and supportive. My body was strong and healthy during the whole process. My sweet Emily understood so much and has been so patient and understanding of her tired mama.
I decided from the beginning I wanted everything about Baby Millers birth to be natural. I didn't want to be induced and I didn't want an epidural or any other interventions. I did Hypnobabies home study and I am so happy that I did, it made everything so much easier. I felt so blessed that everyone supported me in all the things I wanted.
Look for Baby Miller part two in the next few days! I am still working on his birth story and an FAQs!
Here are a few of my growing belly...
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